He looked at me over coffee and I started to cry because I didn’t know if I wanted benches or chairs.

Benches or chairs.

Usually, I pride myself on being the down-to-earth, roll-with-the-punches kind of gal, so I can promise you, I never thought I’d be the one crying over the most minute of details when wedding planning.

If you have been engaged for a year, a month or even a week, the questions and suggestions have probably come rolling in. People genuinely want to help and the suggestions are usually harmless. It becomes a problem when you try to meet each person’s expectation.

I don’t know about you, but I felt the pressure.

The pressure to please and the pressure to plan a perfect wedding that would leave everyone happy, satisfied and impressed.

But here’s the truth, it’s easy to become so consumed planning your wedding that you forget you are planning a marriage.

The most important question you can hold on to during your season of engagement is this:

Will this decision affect my marriage?

Will chairs or benches make or break my marriage? No. Will fabric and flowers affect my longterm happiness? No. Will my attitude during this process affect my relationship with my fiancé? Probably. Will the time I invest in my fiancé (or fail to invest) affect my marriage? Most likely.

It can seem like such a simple thing, but I know how easy it is to get lost. A few minutes on Pinterest or Instagram and before you know it you’re in over your head with the stress of comparison.

I believe we are reasonable people. And I believe we’re in this to plan marriages more beautiful than our weddings.

Freedom begins with a little perspective shift: Will this decision affect my marriage?

Next time you feel the weight — the pressure to please, the desire to impress — I hope you can find freedom in this too.